Coming Home
by SFGrl
Summary: After two years away, Satine returns to the Moulin Rouge, only to find that things are not always as they seem...
1. Prologue

~Coming Home~  
  
  
  
**Prologue**  
  
  
  
Satine stared listlessly out the carriage window, as the French countryside lumbered by. She sighed deeply, and looked at her gloved hands, letting her fingers turn the worn paper over and over. It would be difficult, returning to Montmartre after all this time. But Harold's letter had been written with the utmost urgency. As much as Satine hated the thought of returning to a past that she had spent the past two years trying to forget...she knew...it would be her final chance to properly say goodbye. Marie was like a mother to her, and word that her health was quickly fading broke Satine's heart. She had insisted to The Duke that she travel alone-- the last thing she wanted was to upset Marie. And after all that had happened two years ago...  
  
"No!" Satine scolded herself aloud, refusing to let her mind wander back to a time...to a place...and to a love long lost.  
  
**  
  
It was the smell that awoke her. The carriage had begun it's ascent up into Montmartre, and the stench of absinthe and broken dreams filled the air like a disease. Satine fought to hold down the nostalgic lump that had formed in her throat. She watched with sad eyes, as the carriage passed women of the night, absinthe-filled artists, and other creatures of the underworld. She suddenly felt as though she had been gone for much longer than two years. It felt as though it had been a lifetime ago that she had been the most famous face in town...that she had once roamed the halls of the Moulin Rouge, that she had sung like a bird atop a gawdy elephant...  
  
That she had been loved...truly loved, and had loved in return.  
  
The carriage pulled to an abrupt stop in front of the faded red doors of the building she had once called home. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Satine climbed out of the carriage, and straightened her dress, before pulling on the large, creaky door, and walking into the past.  
  
  
  
***~***  
  
Harold paced the empty stage nervously, his hand unconsciously twisting his greying moustache. He had received word that Satine was arriving today, but it was unclear as to whether or not the Duke would be accompanying her. If he was with her, it would complicate matters, that much was certain. But Harold was at his wit's end, and was desperate to try anything.  
  
Marie was against the idea. She did not like it when Harold deceived people, no matter what the reason. But she could see that Harold was desperate...and she was as well. They could not go on like this...none of them could. Marie watched Harold for a moment, from the wings of the stage, before making her presence known.  
  
"Harold, you'll wear a hole straight through the floorboards!"  
  
"Marie, you mustn't be here! What if Satine walks in! She cannot see you! You are supposed to be near death!"  
  
"It is your lie, Harold, I will have no part of it!"  
  
"Marie--"  
  
Suddenly, the door to the theatre creaked open, and flooded the darkened room with light. In the doorway, stood a lone figure, a tall, thin, silhouette, masked by backlight.  
  
*  
  
Satine walked slowly into the theatre, and the memories of her last night in Montmartre overwhelmed her. The smells, the sounds, the...  
  
"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love!"  
  
The words echoed in Satine's ears, and were as fresh as if they had been spoken only a moment ago. Tears stung Satine's eyes, and she froze in place, her feet refusing to take her any closer to her destination. She closed her eyes, and willed herself to let go of the words that had haunted her for two torturous years.  
  
"Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love."  
  
But they were still there, they hung inside the theatre, taunting Satine's heart and soul. For try as she may, deny it as much as she could, Christian's dying words would never let her go. 


	2. Words to Die By

~Coming Home~  
  
Chapter I--Words to Die By  
  
Two Years Ago...  
  
Christian stood in his garret, as shock, anger, and disbelief consumed him. She was *choosing* the Maharajah? How could this be happening? How could he have been so foolish? The idea that someone like her could ever...Christian buried his face in his hands, and let his grief overtake him. It would never be the same. *He* would never be the same. Ever. Like a twisted demon, his mind took him back to a moment in time...a moment that he had once lived and died for. It was that moment, that shining, beautiful moment, when he realized that their love, his and Satine's, was real, and true, and that, come what may, they would always have each other.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
Two Days Earlier:  
  
He watched her as she slept, unable to take his eyes off of the source of his completeness. She was the air he breathed, she was the light in his heart, she was the centre of his universe. He wanted to sing, he wanted to laugh, and he wanted to cry, all at once. Love had overwhelmed him in a way that he never knew possible.  
  
These were the thoughts that consumed him that morning. And all she was doing, was sleeping.  
  
Satine's eyes fluttered open, and as they dilated, she smiled up at Christian's content face.  
  
"You're staring, Monsieur," Satine giggled.  
  
"I cannot help myself Mademoiselle," Christian grinned.  
  
"Mmmm, I could lay here all day," Satine purred, as she stretched lazily.  
  
"And I could stay here forever," Christian replied softly.  
  
Satine blushed slightly, then propped herself up on her elbows, as Christian softly sang Their Song.  
  
"Never knew, I could feel like this...like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss..."  
  
~*~  
  
Christian snapped out of his reverie suddenly, as a clap of thunder rolled through. But the storm that was brewing outside was nothing, compared to the darkness that had begun to overtake Christian. Jealousy and anger overwhelmed him, as he ran out of his garret, stumbled down the flight of stairs, and ran out into the pouring rain, and toward the Moulin Rouge.  
  
  
  
***~***  
  
Satine sat in her new dressing room, surrounded by the trappings of success and power. She had tried desperately to block out Christian's panicked screams, to rid her memory of that horribly heartbreaking look on his perfect face when she told him that she was choosing the Duke. She would give anything, and everything to take away the pain she'd caused. But there was no turning back now. She had to do what she was paid to do. The show must go on. She pulled her silk kimono on, and caught a faint whiff of Christian on her clothing. She closed her eyes, trying desperately to forget...trying to fight off her feelings...  
  
~*~  
  
The Night They Met:  
  
"Satine?" Christian whispered softly, breaking a long silence, as the two of them lay in Satine's elaborate Indian-themed bed.  
  
"Hmmm?" Satine replied sleepily.  
  
"I could love you forever...I will...forever."  
  
"Christian," Satine turned to face the man who had done the one thing she never thought possible. The man who had made her feel like a person...a beautiful person, and not a nameless courtesan with a price, "We've only just met...you can't possibly know that--"  
  
"When I close my eyes, I see our future. And we are together, and we are more in love than ever. We are destined to be together Satine. Can't you feel it? Can't you sense it?"  
  
"I think that absinthe has gone to your head," Satine joked, but inside, she wondered if Christian was right. She was too scared to admit that he may be...after all, women like her never got fairy tale endings. Every time she dared to dream that she could someday fly away, her heart was broken, her dreams, dashed. She had learned long ago, that dreaming, like love, was a dangerous game.  
  
  
  
They are not nice, they're mostly noise  
  
They swear like men, they screw like boys  
  
I know there's nothing in their hearts  
  
But every time I take one in my arms  
  
It starts:  
  
The movie in my mind  
  
The dream they leave behind  
  
A scene I can't erase  
  
And in a strong man's embrace  
  
Flee this life  
  
Flee this place  
  
The movie plays and plays  
  
The screen before me fills  
  
He takes me to New York  
  
He gives me dollar bills  
  
Our children laugh all day  
  
And eat too much ice cream  
  
And life is like a dream  
  
Dream  
  
The dream I long to find  
  
The movie in my mind  
  
~*~  
  
Satine sighed, and let her dreams, once again, move just out of her reach.  
  
  
  
***~***  
  
Christian snaked his way through the pulleys and props that filled the backstage area of the newly converted Moulin Rouge. He needed to know; he needed to hear her say that she didn't love him anymore. Darkness had consumed him almost completely, and he felt himself struggling to keep his grip on reality. He didn't want to believe that Satine would do this--he prayed that she would come to her senses when he tried to pay her. He hoped, desperately hoped, that he was dreaming. She loved him. She had to. He approached her dressing room, and saw that the door was slightly ajar. He pushed it open slowly, and spotted her immediately. She was standing in front of the mirror, wearing a stunning white gown. A wedding gown. His heart ached, but his mind persevered. She gasped, and whipped around.  
  
"I've come to pay my bill."  
  
Satine managed to keep an expressionless face, but just barely. She straightened, and brushed past Christian coldly.  
  
"You shouldn't be here Christian."  
  
But Christian persisted; following Satine back through the path he'd just come, shadowing her as she struggled to free herself of his insistence to pay.  
  
"You did your job so very, very well. Why shouldn't I pay you?"  
  
"Christian, please..." Satine made her way toward the stage, and it was then that she noticed the gun. She gasped, and turned to push Christian away from her, to get him out of harm's way. But his eyes were like blank slates. He refused to listen, and Satine was beginning to panic. She could hear Harold's cue, and she grew increasingly desperate to get him to leave.  
  
"Tell me you don't love me!" he screamed, as Warner approached, his gun extended menacingly.  
  
"I don't love you, Christian! Leave!" Satine screamed desperately.  
  
But he didn't leave. He stood, frozen in place, as Satine's words stabbed him in his heart. She really didn't love him.  
  
Satine shoved Christian, but he stood his ground, his eyes cold as ice. He opened his mouth to speak, as the stage doors began to rise. Suddenly, a shot rang out, and Christian felt something hot and sharp pierce his chest. He heard Satine scream, as he collapsed to the ground.  
  
"Christian! Christian no! Somebody get some help!" Satine cried desperately, but the world around her seemed to be frozen in time.  
  
"Satine..." Christian whispered hoarsely, "Satine..."  
  
"Christian, I--"  
  
"Thank you...for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love."  
  
  
  
  
  
~AN: "Movie in My Mind" (lyrics slightly altered) from Miss Saigon 


	3. Why Does My Heart Cry, Feelings I Can't ...

~Coming Home~  
  
Chapter II: Why Does My Heart Cry, Feelings I Can't Fight?  
  
  
  
Satine made her way down the aisle slowly, her eyes never leaving the faded red carpeting. She could feel Harold's eyes on her, yet she could not bring herself to look at him. She could see, in her own mind, that his expression was set, that he was looking at her sadly, with a horribly patronizing sympathy. It was the way everyone had looked at her That Night. As though everyone wanted to let her know, that they somehow understood her pain, that they knew of her sorrow, her guilt, her anger, her loss…  
  
Her love.  
  
No one knew. No one understood the horrible, heavy feeling that sat at the pit of her stomach, at the heart of her soul. No one understood that no amount of time or distance would ever take that pain away. Christian's death was her fault. She had let him love her, and he had paid for it with his life. No words could ever describe how that makes one feel inside.  
  
~*~  
  
Opening Night  
  
  
  
"Christian! Christian, no, no, please! I love you Christian, I've always loved you! Please, please don't leave me this way!" Satine was screeching like a mad woman, while the audience, actors and crew watched in shocked silence. Satine was shaking Christian's limp body, but to no avail. The white jacket he had taken off of the Argentinean was now covered in blood…an ominous and obvious sign.  
  
But Satine would not listen to reason. Chocolat and The Argentinean finally pried Satine off of Christian's body, and carried her into her dressing room, where she collapsed into a fit of hysterics once more.  
  
*  
  
Hours passed. Throughout the night, Satine refused to see anyone, and had finally fallen into an, uncomfortable slumber on her dressing room floor. The sun began its ascent into the sky, and the morning rays peered through a small window in Satine's dressing room, rousing her.  
  
She opened one eye, and then another. Where was she? What happened? As her eyes dilated into focus, her memories came flooding back to her. She picked herself up off of the ground, and rushed out of her dressing room, only to be met outside by The Duke.  
  
"Where is he? Where's Christian?" Satine was beyond pleasantries and false politeness. Her contempt for the Duke shone through with full intensity.  
  
"He's dead. And, my darling, if you are at all wise. You will re-consider your tone."  
  
"You killed him. You—" Satine hiccupped, as she tried in vain to hold back impending sobs once more.  
  
"My dear, I am certain, that when you come to your senses, you will see that this is all for the best. You are mine, now. We are leaving today, Satine. And trust me, when I tell you that you do not want to cross me again."  
  
Satine watched the Duke leave, then collapsed against the wall. It was at that moment, that she died. Her heart may have been beating, her lungs may have been taking in Oxygen, but for all intents and purposes, Satine was dead.  
  
~*~  
  
Harold watched Satine silently, as she ascended the steps that led to the stage of the theatre. Only when she was mere inches away did she raise her head to look at Harold.  
  
"Hello, Harold," Satine whispered softly.  
  
"Hello, my love," Harold's heart broke at the sight of his once-sparkling star. While she looked healthy enough, Harold could see that Satine's eyes were as bleak and empty as they were the day the Duke took her from Montmartre, two years ago.  
  
"Marie…are you alright?" Satine's attention suddenly shifted, when Marie came out of the shadows of the wings quietly.  
  
"Yes, my dear, I'm alright."  
  
"But Harold said that…Harold, what's going on?" Satine eyed Harold suspiciously.  
  
"Satine, darling, is the Duke with you?"  
  
"No…Harold, please tell me why you lied to me? Marie isn't sick…and she never was, was she?"  
  
"No, chickpea, Marie is fine. But we were afraid that if you were to discover the real reason that we needed you…there's a lot that we need to tell you, my dear."  
  
"Harold, what are you talking about?"  
  
Harold sighed, and twisted his moustache once more. He looked at Satine, who was now scanning the stage blankly. And Harold knew, he knew what Satine was thinking. He knew that she was in pain, and that Christian's death continued to haunt her. And he knew, that by bringing her back, he was putting her in danger. But he felt he had no other choice. It was time.  
  
"Satine, look at me," Harold took Satine's trembling hand in his, and looked into her eyes, hoping that his intense stare would prove to her that what he was about to tell her, was the truth.  
  
"Satine, it's Christian. He's alive."  
  
Satine felt all of the blood rush from her face to her feet. Her mouth was suddenly very dry, and her heart was beating out of her chest. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be.  
  
"Harold, that…that's not funny," Satine jerked her hand away from Harold and backed away, as her eyes nervously searched the floorboards of the stage.  
  
"It's true. He survived that night. The Duke made us promise not to tell you. Christian was unconscious the day you left…he was unconscious for weeks. When he awoke, we had no choice but to tell him the truth…that you had gone away with the Duke. And we knew that if he still believed that you didn't love him, he would not try to follow. But—" Harold stopped suddenly, and looked at Satine, who had her back turned back to Harold. When he paused, she turned, and looked at him intently.  
  
"What? Where is he?"  
  
"We had no idea what all of this would do, my dear. We had no idea how much he loved you…" Harold's voice trailed off, and he felt himself choking up. He had suddenly realized just how attached he'd grown to the boy.  
  
"Where is he, Harold?" Satine's voice was ragged, almost frantic.  
  
"He's in his garret. But Satine, I don't think that…"  
  
But it was too late. Satine had turned on her heel, and run out of the theatre at lightning speed. Her head was filled with words, words she would say to Christian, her love, and the man who had suddenly come back into her life. She ignored Marie and Harold's cries, as they pursued her down the street. She ran up the steps to Christian's garret, and threw open the door swiftly. Her eyes scanned the room nervously, and then fell onto him. Christian. It was true, he was alive, and he was sitting right in front of her, staring out at the Moulin Rouge. Had he seen her coming? Had he watched her enter the theatre? Questions flooded her mind, but she could not speak. She stood, breathless, in Christian's doorway, waiting for him to say something. When he didn't, Satine walked fully into the garret, and took a deep breath.  
  
"Christian?" Satine said breathlessly.  
  
It was then that Christian turned his head, and it was then that Satine was able to see his face. She took in a sharp breath, as her mind took in what her eyes were telling her. Christian was pale, gaunt, and his eyes were bloodshot. He had a full beard, but it did not help cover his sickly appearance. He looked up at Satine, but his eyes did not register shock, anger, elation or surprise. His face was completely blank, and that scared Satine.  
  
"Satine, my darling, you're late."  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
Christian smiled slightly, before moving from his position at the window to the edge of his bed, where he stood for a short moment, before moving his hands around erratically in front of him, like a conductor guiding an orchestra.  
  
"Christian, I—"  
  
"Never knew, I could feel like this. It's like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish, inside your kiss. Everyday I'm loving you more and more…"  
  
Satine smiled, as Christian broke into song. It was Their Song. The one they'd created together, with their love. Satine felt Harold and Marie's presence behind her, and she turned slowly, while Christian continued to sing beautifully.  
  
"He doesn't seem angry, Harold," Satine whispered indignantly.  
  
"He doesn't know you're here, Satine."  
  
"He just spoke to me, Harold! And he is singing Our Song!"  
  
"He sings it everyday, Satine. He's gone completely mad."  
  
Satine cocked her head quizzically, then turned back toward Christian, who was now quietly conducting the orchestra only he could see and hear.  
  
Jealousy had, indeed, driven Christian mad. 


	4. Somewhere Beyond The Sea

~Coming Home~  
  
_Chapter III: Somewhere Beyond the Sea  
_  
He was floating. Floating in a world where everything was faded and fuzzy and perfect all at once. All he could see was her. She was there, holding him, loving him. Him and only him. There was no one else. They needed no one else.  
  
But it was dark. Strangely cold and dark. The sun never shone, ever. The Moulin Rouge sat in the darkness, casting a harsh shadow into the world where he lived.  
  
***~***  
  
"We have to do _something_!" Satine cried desperately.  
  
"Satine, we've tried. We've tried to get through to him, but he is so…lost."  
  
"We'll take him down into Paris. We'll find the best doctors."  
  
"Satine," Harold whispered, as he, Satine and Marie made their way back to the Moulin Rouge, "If the Duke were to find out about Christian…and about this--"  
  
"He doesn't need to know. No one needs to know. I'll tell the Duke that the money is to help Marie. He needn't know."  
  
***~***  
  
There were times, when the darkness consumed him, and the silence was almost unbearable. Times when he thought that there was nothing left to do but die. It was in those times, those most desperate, painful times, that he would hear her. Her voice was like and angel. And she would turn to him, and she would smile, and suddenly, everything was better, and everything was right. He couldn't imagine his life without her. So he refused to believe that she could ever leave him.  
  
_Come What May  
Come What May _

_I will love you, until my dying day.  
_  
***~***

_Three Weeks Later  
_  
"He has been completely unresponsive to our treatments. We believe that there is little that can be done about his condition, Mademoiselle." The doctor looked at Satine sadly, shaking his head slowly as he spoke.  
  
"May I see him?"  
  
"Of course. But just for a short while."  
  
Satine nodded as the doctor led her through the darkened corridors of the centre. Harold had found the facility two days after Satine's return, but had insisted that Satine not visit Christian, for fear that word would get back to the Duke. But Satine could not stand the idea that she was so close to Christian, and yet unable to see him. She had snuck out of the Moulin Rouge earlier that day, determined to see Christian with her own eyes.  
  
***~*** 

One Week Earlier  
  
"Satine, it's for your own safety, and for Christian's as well. The Duke knows so many people, and-"  
  
"Harold, I know. But I feel like I'm losing him all over again, and I know that I can help him-" Satine's voice trembled with desperation.  
  
"The doctors are doing all that they can. Christian will recover. It will just take time, my dear."  
  
***~***  
  
Satine took a deep breath, and walked into Christian's room. The room was very dimly lit, and the only objects in the room were a small bed, a chair, and a small table. Christian was sitting in the chair, staring out of the small, filthy window that overlooked the city, and, ironically, faced the hills that led to Montmartre.  
  
"Christian?" Satine whispered, as she approached her love slowly.  
  
Christian made no effort to look up, and did not acknowledge Satine in the least. His silence frightened Satine. She wondered what they had done to him?  
  
"Christian?"  
  
Christian sat, in a near catatonic state, completely unaware of Satine's presence. Her heart broke as she began to realize that he was slipping away from her again. She felt a pain in her chest, the same pain she felt the night Christian was shot. Would she lose him all over again? Would he ever know that she was here, loving him with all her heart? Her mind wandered back to those final, fatal moments at the Moulin Rouge. The way his eyes darkened when she told him she didn't love him. She would give her life to take those words back. She would give her soul to make him well: To pull him from the darkness she tossed him into two years ago.  
  
"I love you…until the end of time." Satine kissed Christian's forehead softly, then made her way back toward Montmartre.  
  
*  
  
Satine wandered the dimly lit streets of the place she had once called home. She felt like a stranger in her own skin. As jaded as she had been, Satine realized that the woman that had walked these streets two years ago had a strange nativity about her. She had once believed that her problems would melt, if only she could fly away from here. She had once believed that money would make her happy. And she had once believed that:  
  
Love conquers all.  
  
A foolish belief, perhaps, but Christian had given her reason to believe that All You Need Is Love.  
  
"Love is like Oxygen! Love is a many splendored thing, Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is Love!"  
  
He was so determined, and so beautifully innocent. He'd truly believed everything he'd said. And he had made her believe it too. Then, she stole it from him. She stole his innocence, stole his only Truth.  
  
And now, as she walked the streets that led to the Moulin Rouge once more, Satine surrenders to a new Truth:  
  
Only she could save the man she destroyed.  
  
Satine made her way into Christian's garret, desperate for a clue, anything that could help her understand Christian's state of mind. She rifled through his belongings, and the stacks of papers that lined the floor and some of the walls. She stopped suddenly, as familiar words appeared to her. She picked up the tattered paper, and saw that it was the poem that Christian had sung to her on the night they'd met.  
  
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words…how wonderful life is, now you're in the world.  
  
Satine let a solitary tear escape down her cheek. She struggled to maintain control, as she continued to read through more of Christian's poetry;  
  
_I'm gonna love you, like nobody's loved you Come rain or come shine_

_High as a mountain, deep as a river come rain or come shine _

_I guess when you met me It was just one of those things _

_But don't you ever bet me_

_'Cause I'm gonna be true if you let me you're gonna love me, like nobody's loved me _

_Come rain or come shine we'll be happy together, unhappy together _

_Now won't that be just fine _

_The days may be cloudy or sunny we're in or out of the money _

But I'm with you always I'm with you rain or shine  
  


~

  
_Fools rush in where angels fear to tread _

_And so I come to you, my love, my heart above my head _

_Though I see the danger there If there's a chance for me then I don't care.  _

_Fools rush in where wise men never go _

_But wise men never fall in love so how are they to know _

_When we met I felt my life begin_

_So open up your heart and let this fool rush in_

  
~

_  
Don't ask me  
What you know is true  
Don't have to tell you  
I love your precious heart  
I  
I was standing  
You were there  
Two worlds collided  
And they could never tear us apart  
We could live  
For a thousand years  
But if I hurt you  
I'd make wine from your tears  
I told you  
That we could fly  
'Cause we all have wings  
But some of us don't know why  
I  
I was standing  
You were there  
Two worlds collided  
And they could never ever tear us apart  
  
_~~  
  
He was so gifted. So wonderfully, perfectly gifted. Determined as ever, Satine gathered Christian's poetry, and made her way out of the garret, knowing in her heart that if she couldn't save him…no one could.  
  
***~***  
  
The darkness had begun to envelop him slowly, and completely. He could no longer hear her song. He felt his universe collapsing, and felt powerless to control the demons that had taken control of his mind. He searched for her, longing to hear her say that she would love him until the end of time. He heard nothing.  
  
_Somewhere beyond the sea  
somewhere waiting for me  
my lover stands on golden sands  
and watches the ships that go sailing  
Somewhere beyond the sea  
she's there watching for me  
If I could fly like birds on high  
then straight to her arms  
I'd go sailing  
It's far beyond the stars  
it's near beyond the moon  
I know beyond a doubt  
my heart will lead me there soon  
We'll meet beyond the shore  
we'll kiss just as before  
Happy we'll be beyond the sea  
and never again I'll go sailing  
I know beyond a doubt  
my heart will lead me there soon  
We'll meet (I know we'll meet) beyond the shore  
We'll kiss just as before  
Happy we'll be beyond the sea  
and never again I'll go sailing  
no more sailing  
so long sailing  
bye bye sailing...  
_  
("Somewhere Beyond The Sea"-by Bobby Darin-- AN: Three guesses as to what I watched last night, LOL; "Your Song," Elton John & Bernie Taupin; "Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS; "Come Rain or Come Shine" & "Fools Rush In" by Johnny Mercer)


End file.
